Daniel will build out of anything! Even Tampons! #2 Frustration at Failure

I wanted to add to the previous post, but couldn't figure out how to add text next to the photos!!!  Golly, it's hard to write a blog.
The first photo in that blog shows a structure with two green wheels and a square column made from a plastic and magnet toy, can't remember the name - Magnatex??  The night he made that he did a wonderful job processing frustration.  I'd forgotten about it until now.  Daniel seems to get very frustrated when things don't go well, when he makes mistakes or can't achieve what he or others expect of him.  He cries, gets mad, sometimes gives up.  This is more recent, perhaps just only in the last year.  I've always thought of him as very determined to try and try, but lately he seems have more issues around failing.  Could it be the use of rewards or too much praise for success?  Could it be the effect of preschool?  It could just be his personality.  I remember when he was younger he would just go and go until he mastered something, amazing determination form a very early age.

This particular night, he'd built the square column, upright, with a wheel at the bottom and at the top.  It was hollow, and he'd filled the inside with all the extra metal balls (that are used to bind the magnetic corners of the square and other shaped pieces) - they are heavy.  His plan was to lower the column into the horizontal position, but every time he tried this, the weight inside would cause the column to fall apart.  I was in the kitchen cooking.  The first few times, I could hear his frustration at his structure breaking apart, but he'd rebuild.  Then the next time he tried he cried, exclaiming he couldn't do it!  I came in to see what he was trying, and suggested he try again, and not give up; that having problems was a big part of building / inventing. Through our mistakes we learn I urged.  Again it broke and he got really upset.  So, I did a little NVC focusing on his frustration and what he'd like to see happen and asked if he'd like some help.  When he "allowed" me to give him advice.  We talked about the weight of the metal balls and the strength of his structure.  By asking questions, I helped him to arrive at the notion that fewer metal balls might help, and perhaps, laying the structure down horizontally first, then opening up the "hatch" and putting one ball in at a time, to see how much weight it would hold.  We talked about the inventive and scientific process, trial and error, how if things don't work one way, it doesn't mean you have failed, in fact, you have learned something valuable, and can now try a different way.  We also talked about how it's ok to feel frustrated or mad, but that rather than let that feeling make you quit, you can still keep trying and find another way.  At that point I left to finish cooking dinner, again, Daniel went to work, I think the model must have broken at least five times all together, yet, finally he got the result he wanted, and was so proud of himself.

What a valuable experience!  I have learned too, that Daniel has a longer frustration resistance span when not interrupted and left to work out problems by himself.  If I swoop in and offer advice too early, and it doesn't work, his frustration is likely to peek way sooner.  Instead, he and I together have established a learning way where, he asks when he needs help, I ask permission to help or advise.  It works very well.