Re: Playground politics (cont')
Wow, what an amazing array of thoughtful responses. I love living here! I love
honoring the diversity, and working with our children to slowly recognize that
not only is each individual child's needs and desires to play safely, yet have
their interests and drives acknowledged, but also that there are many different
social expectations around what is "right"...simple examples that tend not to
trigger us as much as aggressive play or weapons, running barefoot, climbing up
the slide, eating ice-creams or super junk food in front of other kids,
ownership of cool toys, bikes, free toys....
Most of all, I think our kids are learning that there are different opinions,
and when choosing play styles, or toys to use in social spaces, we have a role
in how others feel, react to, learn from, shy away from etc. us. Awareness,
relativity and social responsibility!!!!!! The best lessons ever. We and our
kids are a lucky bunch!
Years ago, before I was a mother, traveling in Rio, Brazil with my mum, where
guns are a reality - as security in banks, and on the street as threats, my mum
'took a shot' of a young kid, maybe 3 years old, standing with a huge plastic
toy gun. I remember her exclaiming in sorrow every time we looked at the
picture! I vowed long ago, I wouldn't let my son ever play with weapons.
I did well in the first few years...
Now, he's a master swords fighter: bamboo, cardboard, nerf, bows and arrows,
daggers, pirate pistols.... and yes the good old fashioned stick! Just today, I
was at the family place with two of my older kids, one girl, one boy, who I
found building lego guns up in the castle, and reminded them that I didn't want
them coming down stairs and pointing play guns at anyone; showed them the trick
of turning the lego gun into a camera, how hunting for pictures is so similar...
Yes, media is awful, it's a culprit for sure...but it's the teaching of
disconnect in media we need to remedy.....
I've steeped myself in discussions of social mores, education, child raising, I
was so upset when my son started to play violent games, yet for time immemorial,
children have imitated what they see in society, they work through it, they want
to come to terms with it. On top of that many boys, and some girls have an
incredible surge of hormones and need to exert themselves physically in an
aggressive way that hints of the forces of nature, the elemental core of right
and wrong, or power over....and, and, and, so many of our kids are so lorded
over by their families, pre-schools, schools, restrictions, bed times, rules,
rules, rules, when they find a fantasy play that helps liberate them and switch
power roles, boy oh boy, (girl oh girl) do they love it!!
I heard of one family of two boys who'd been exposed to little media, and whose
parents were committed to non-violent, peaceful, Buddhist relationship with
life. They had not only forbidden gun play or any other weapons, fantasy play
of battles etc.., they had espoused their ideals of non violence, teaching honor
and respect for life, gentleness etc. For several years, they thought it had
worked. Then one night they awake in the middle of the night to find their two
sons fighting in privacy behind closed doors with toilet paper rolls, in the
bathroom, so.....
So, in the end it comes down to, what everyone has said: are others safe? is
someone feeling scared? should we stop or find a more appropriate space? do
others want to join in?, what are the other parents desiring to teach their
littles?....and never ever point a stick, sword, gun in someone's face if they
haven't agreed to that kind of play!
Then go back to the roots: why do kids love power plays? why do we have a
disconnect in our society? Would you rather have your boys (many), girls (some)
playing "battle it out" video games (or any other kind - ones that create
scenarios of win-loose, better than others, amassing booty etc.) by the time
they are 9? or hand crafting bow and arrows themselves, harnessing chi, or still
enjoying a good fantasy romp with their mum(s) or dad(s) in which they can
dabble in the warrior spirit, ideas of darkness, death, mastery, courage,
self-sacrifice, and the powers of nature...?
Channeling into sports, other forms of competetiveness, does not help them, in
my humble opinion , come to a deeper understanding of their urges, their
subconscious, their rationalizing of what society shows, their need for morals,
codes...bla, bla, bla.....
I would want them to play out all their urges, and socialize, meaning, come
slowly to realize that there's nothing we do that doesn't somewhere impact our
environment, the people, animals and plants.
Happy last day of bike to work week. With all that passion to fight, know,
learn, belong, be accepted that our children are showing us, let's all remember
how important it is to model compassion and gentleness to others, humans, all
life forms, and the planet.
That's my super rant!
